Just Some Thoughts

I'm a hypocrite. I tell people things but I don't believe them. I don't live by them. I tell people that life gets better. I tell people that they shouldn't self-harm. I tell people that there is someone out there that is the right person for them. I'm not sure life gets better. I still self-harm. I think I'm going to be forever alone. So why do we tell people these things? Are we trying to reassure ourselves as much as we are trying to reassure them? Do we just say it because we assume it's the right thing to say?

This is really random but I wanted to share it anyway. There's this thing at the camp I went to called ring circle. Basically we sing then share prayer requests and then pray. When we pray we cross our arms- right over left- and hold hands. Two times during camp I got to stand next to my friend (we'll call him Bob). Bob and I would link hands as someone started to pray. Every once in a while we would drop hands because one of us had an itch or something. Eventually our hands met again and he would grab my hand with his hand. He would hold my hand really tight. Bob's grip on my hand made me feel comforted. It made me feel like someone cared if only for a couple of minutes. I know that he has no clue what's going on in my life but it still made me feel like someone was there for me. I wish I could tell him that. But since I can't do that I needed to share it somewhere. So thanks Bob. It really meant a lot.

Inspiration

I'd honestly say my biggest inspiration is Black Veil Brides. Their lyrics and their message are all about never giving in and being yourself. They tell you it doesn't matter what anyone thinks as long as you're being you. I love this message. I wish I could live by it more. I wish I wasn't afraid of what people think or say about me. But aren't we all? Even just a little? We all care deep down about at least one person's opinion of us. It may be a boss, a family member, a friend or a partner. But there is someone we don't want to be judged or looked down upon by. Why does it bug me if I know everyone feels that way? Maybe it's because I feel like I can't say BVB is my inspiration if I don't live by their message. Maybe it's because I feel like I'm letting them down.

Posers

I hate posers. I was at camp for two weeks- I just got home a couple of days ago. At the beginning of camp I mentioned Black Veil Brides while talking to a couple of my friends. The girl got excited and began to say that she loves to listen to them. In the next couple of days we were sitting on a picnic table with our iPods and I asked if she had any BVB on hers. She said she didn't because she was afraid of what her parents and sisters would think or say. That pissed me off. BVB's whole message is about being yourself and not giving a fuck what anyone else thinks. But can I really complain? I myself am a poser. This camp I was at was a church camp I've gone to every year including the year I was born. I used to consider myself a Christian. But now I don't really. I'm not religious. I'm not faithful. But at camp and at church I pretend to be. So do I really have a right to be mad at other people when I do the very same thing? So many people do things like this though. You act different around your friends than you act around your family. You act different with your significant other. You act different when you are alone. I know this is true. So why does it bug me so much?